Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
