Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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