i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
