I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
