In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
