I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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