Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
