i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
