i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
