Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
