the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
