Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize