I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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