please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize