I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
