i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
