NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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