I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
