Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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