Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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