Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
