Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
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"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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