Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
