Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
