Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
