I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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