So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
