College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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