Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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