how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
