wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
