at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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