So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
