Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
