Someone shit on the floor
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
