So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
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