We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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