I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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