My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize