He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
