Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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