well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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