I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
