I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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