Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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