I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
