Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I could fuck to npr.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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