"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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