Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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