You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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