I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
