How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
