He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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