I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
