decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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