I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
