How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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