I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
