Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
