happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Girls should come with a carfax report
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Randomize
