I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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