i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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