Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
