this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
